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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25832017">I’m Fine</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bacop1/pseuds/Bacop1'>Bacop1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wynonna Earp (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:21:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,483</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25832017</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bacop1/pseuds/Bacop1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dealing with the aftermath of trauma and trying to be fine.  Post season 4 episodes 1 through 3</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp &amp; Nicole Haught</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>297</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I’m Fine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Waverly opened her eyes stretched reaching out beside her expecting to feel the warmth of Nicole in the bed.  She felt only cool empty space in the bed, and the depression in Nicole’s pillow the only evidence she’d occupied the space at all. </p>
<p>She furrowed her brow and exhaled.  The dull ache of concern rising in her chest.   Except for the first night of her return, Nicole hadn’t slept through the night.  </p>
<p>At first she thought time would help her love get back to some semblance of normalcy, but it had been weeks.  Nicole remained dedicated to her self appointed routine. Patrolling and defending the homestead like a guard dog rather than a person.  Always on task.  Always doing.  Never stopping for a moment. </p>
<p>Nicole was struggling.  She could see it.  Feel it. But she had no idea how to help.  How did she try to help Nicole gather and reassemble the pieces that had crumbled over the course of almost 19 months?</p>
<p>She’d heard Nicole’s self deprecating comments. She’d seen Her hollowed expressions.  The 1000 yard stare. </p>
<p>She slid out of bed and put on clothes, boots, and a warm coat.  Nicole has been alone for 18 months, 3 weeks and 4 days.  Waverly was going to make sure she wasn’t alone tonight. </p>
<p>She crept downstairs and opened the front door, scanning the snowy yard for her love.  A full moon illuminated the landscape so she’d hoped finding her would be quick.  The sound of wood being chopped assaulted her senses. From the distant woodshed the muted yet repetitive “thwack” pierced the eerily quiet night. </p>
<p>She wrapped her coat tighter around her and ventured out into the snow. </p>
<p>From the doorway she saw Nicole repeating the chore. Move the wood to the larger block.  Raise the maul over her shoulders and slam.  Place the wood in the ever growing stack. Repeat. </p>
<p>Nicole has shed her outer layers, the physical labor making her sweat.  If things had been different she would have immediately flushed at the sight of Nicole’s sweat drenched back in a heather grey t shirt.  Seeing her muscles ripple with each swing of the tool.  Blue jeans tucked into tan boots.  Her hair in a haphazard ponytail. </p>
<p>But tonight under these circumstances. She could only worry. </p>
<p>“I know you’re there.” Nicole said flatly without turning. </p>
<p>The voice making Waverly startle slightly as she had been deep in thought. </p>
<p>“Are you coming back to bed?” She asked quietly.  A safe probing question she thought. </p>
<p>Nicole turned and Waverly’s heart was strangled by the sight. Sweat covered. Exhausted.  Eyes devoid of the light she was so used to seeing. </p>
<p>“The traps were clear.  But we needed more wood in case…”. Nicole didn’t finish her sentence. She gestured to the woodpile. It was more than stocked. </p>
<p>Waverly walked into the woodshed and sat on a large stump. </p>
<p>“You’re always taking care of us baby…” she began. </p>
<p>Nicole scoffed at the comment and shook her head. </p>
<p>“We both know that’s not true.” Nicole replied in a matter of fact tone. </p>
<p>Waverly tried to swallow past the ever growing lump in her throat.  </p>
<p>“Can you look at me?” She asked tentatively. </p>
<p>Nicole set the tool down beside her as she turned to face her. </p>
<p>She couldn’t hold eye contact. Waverly could feel the tension growing. Nicole was going to bolt again.  Without thinking she grabbed Nicole’s hand in hers and pulled her down.  Nicole fell to her knees in front of her. </p>
<p>Nicole’s head bowed. </p>
<p>Waverly placed her hands on Nicole’s cheeks and raised her face to hers. Trying to make eye contact. </p>
<p>“I love you Nicole Rayleigh Haught.” She began..  she felt Nicole try to pull away. But strengthened her grip. “I love you even if you don’t love yourself right now.”  </p>
<p>She pressed her forehead into Nicole’s sweaty brow.  “And I hope you love me enough to let me help even if you feel like you don’t deserve it.”</p>
<p>Nicole’s eyes closed.  “I don’t.”  She whispered. </p>
<p>“Baby…”</p>
<p>Nicole shook her head. “No.”</p>
<p>Waverly surged forward. Capturing Nicole’s lips. Pouring her heart and soul into the contact. Hoping the love would be felt.  Since she’d escaped the garden her only moments seeing her Nicole had been in moments of intimacy and desire. </p>
<p>Nicole pulled back slightly. “You deserve better.  I let you all down…”</p>
<p>“No.” Waverly said sternly. “No.  You don’t get to choose that for me.  I love you.  I want you.”</p>
<p>Nicole stood up abruptly and crossed the room.  Waverly was thankful she hadn’t walked out the door. It was a start. </p>
<p>Nicole placed her hands on her knees and bent at the waist.  She gulped in deep ragged breaths. She stood hands on her hips and took a shuddering breath. </p>
<p>Then she turned. </p>
<p>“Why?” She asked. </p>
<p>“What?” Waverly answered with a confused expression. </p>
<p>“Why?  I’m not who you fell in love with. I’m not that person.  I’m not the Sheriff.  I couldn't keep Purgatory safe.  I couldn’t save any of you.  Under my watch everything went to hell.  Literally!”</p>
<p>“Nicole-“ Waverly started. </p>
<p>“None of you need me.  You never did. No one does.  Not my parents. Not you. Not Wynonna.  No one. I mean it’s obvious right. From the beginning I’ve been on the outside looking in. The curse. Black badge. The garden. I’m the last to know and that’s how everyone wants it.  And the one time I’m tasked with keeping everything and everyone together I failed.  Some fucking hero right?!”</p>
<p>Waverly’s heart broke at the impassioned yet misguided speech. </p>
<p>“I was there.  I could have saved you. But no I break my stupid leg and make myself useless…”</p>
<p>Waverly interrupted. “You broke your leg saving Wynonna’s life!” </p>
<p>Nicole looked down at the floor. She’d never shared that story with Waverly. </p>
<p>“You pushed her off a grate, sacrificing your body to protect her…” Waverly looked up to the sky and her voice cracked as she spoke.  “And I never said anything about it.  I never even thanked you..”</p>
<p>Oh God. She thought.  How could she not have seen?</p>
<p>“We never thanked you.  Any of us. Did we?  For what you’ve sacrificed.  For what you’ve always sacrificed for all of us.  We always…”. She swallowed. “I always lean on you. My rock. And I always leave and you’re always fine.”</p>
<p>All the moments ran through her head. Jack of Knives. She left her at the hospital alone. Broken. Hearing her cry of apology. Knowing she felt guilty but running nonetheless.  When Willa shot her. When they signed the BBD blood oath. When they argued about the DNA test. When she was bit by the Widow.  When she was stabbed. When going to the garden.  </p>
<p>She put her hand to her mouth.  Every time. Nicole was there for every emergency. Every critical incident.  Every trauma.  And she always took care of everyone but herself. </p>
<p>Waverly couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen it until now. </p>
<p>Nicole shook her head. “This is my fault.  Not yours. It’s fine.”</p>
<p>“No. Baby.  No.”   Waverly stood and walked closer but didn’t touch Nicole.  “I’m not going to run away this time.  I’m not gonna leave you here to clean up another Earp mess.  Like you always do without even having a choice.  Not this time.”</p>
<p>Nicole’s lip began to quiver.  “I’m fine Waverly.”  She said with a fake sternness. Almost trying to convince herself. “I’m fine!”</p>
<p>Waverly took several steps closer, reaching for the love of her life. Who had been in hell all this time alone. </p>
<p>She reached out and wrapped her arms tightly around her and gasped as Nicole’s legs collapsed.  They tumbled to the ground as Nicole clung on to her like a life preserver in rough waters. </p>
<p>“I’m fine.” Nicole cried into her neck as she tried to breathe. </p>
<p>Waverly held her as tight as she possibly could eyes now crying a river of her own tears. </p>
<p>“No baby you’re not.  But you will be.  I’m here. I’m not leaving you. I have you.  I’m here.”  She repeated the last words over and over. “I’m here.”</p>
<p>Almost as a prayer. Begging for her words to penetrate Nicole’s injured soul.  She closed her eyes.  Every injury Nicole overcame could not measure with the invisible scars that she always hid so well.</p>
<p>After a few moments Nicole’s breath evened and she felt heavier in Waverly’s arms. The physical and emotional exhaustion settling Nicole into a heavy sleep. Waverly leaned against the woodpile pulling the taller woman as close as she could. </p>
<p>Movement at the door caused Waverly to look up.  Wynonna stood in the doorway. </p>
<p>“I heard- the yelling…”. Wynonna said cautiously. </p>
<p>“We’ve got to get her back.” Waverly whispered. </p>
<p>Wynonna nodded.  </p>
<p>“We will baby girl.”</p>
<p>Wynonna slid down the wall next to them. She grabbed Waverly’s hand and squeezed. Her best friend was still stuck in that garden.</p>
<p>“We made it back.  So will she.”</p>
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